Jim Schrempp

Incredible Tofu Spaghetti 

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Jen came up with this. Her message is as good as the sauce.

Go into the woods with a spear and stalk the tofu. Only fresh tofu will work in this recipe. Once you have stabbed the tofu with your spear sufficiently enough to stop it from mauling you to death, skin and gut the tofu in the field with a dull butter knife. Drive home with the tofu trophy lashed to the front of your car (this mental image is causing me to laugh out loud in the library.) Mount the tofu's "head" on the wall, and take the "body" to the kitchen for further dissection. Once you have a clean square of tofu free of bones, sinew, fur, fangs, claws, eyeballs, and generally gross inedible parts, (this square chunk will look amazingly similar to what you will find in the store in a little 8 oz. +/- sealed container of FIRM tofu), you may proceed with the following recipe.


Square chunk of freshly killed tofu (or a pkg of firm tofu if you're not going to be authentic) Spaghetti sauce ingredients of choice (I'll list mine down below)

Drain the tofu by beating it violently with a mallet (or if using a package kind, slit the top open and simply pour off the excess liquid.) Freeze tofu overnight, or up to the point when no one knows what the hell it was and throws it out.

Take the tofu out of the freezer - if it's still there - the morning that you plan to make the sauce (leave it on the counter if it's not really hot outside).

Prepare your spaghetti sauce as usual. I usually saute an onion, a few cloves of garlic, and maybe some bell pepper until soft. At this point you can vary things a lot. You can even just add a container or two of store bought sauce if you're low on time/money. If I do things from scratch, I add 1-2 cans tomato sauce, one sm. can tomato paste, one can peeled chopped tomatoes, (or I really go nuts and do all of the above by subbing 2-3 lbs. of fresh romas, but this is VERY time consuming), fresh herbs, salt, pepper, a dash of any hot sauce, 1/4 c. red wine (swish out the saucy remnants in the cans with the wine) and bring it to a gentle boil. Tomato sauce burns easily so be careful.

At this point I add some sliced mushrooms and the tofu, which I sqeeze all extra moisture out of and just crumble by hand directly into the pot.

Cover and cook gently for 20 minutes or longer, being careful not to burn the sauce on the bottom. Can be made a day or two in advance and refrigerated.

Remember, tofus were put on this earth to be maimed and murdered in the name of my spaghetti sauce recipe.

Enjoy! Jen

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